As a child we lost things as a family, like our home. I had to grow up quickly with some difficulties that arose and I think I lost trust in the adults around me. As an adult, I lost my boyfriend and my job. If I were to dig deeper into my psyche, I would say that my reactions were always the same. I felt emotional pain, more distrust, and a tougher exterior. Things seem unfair, like everything is out of my control. But when I look at my situation a little differently now that I've gained more life experience, I think that was my perspective. Or how these thoughts were shaped as a child. Also as an adult, I lost two friends to death. One of them was an ex-boyfriend who had immigrated to Canada after immigrating to New York. Even though we no longer had a romantic relationship, we still stayed in touch as friends. He was announced as missing in news reports and three weeks later he was found and the cause of death was determined to be suicide. It was overwhelming. I felt sadness and loss. More importantly, I felt I was entitled to my loss because it was a personal relationship I had with him, unlike that of my grandmother who took me away from the situation.