The English composition class I took forced me to do one of the things I hate doing most: writing on command. When I write, really, I have to be inspired and it has to have personal meaning to me. I avoided this course for years, but now I believe there is a reason why I had to take it at this time in my life. Every essay I had to write seemed, at first, like an impossible chore. But suddenly, each time, an event in my life formed a story in my mind and became an obsession that I had to write about. When that happened, each story took on a life of its own. I didn't control the story, it controlled me, and each time I could barely type fast enough to get the thoughts flowing. I was surprised each time I ended up learning something new about myself, although I doubt it would be obvious to the reader, and I found it therapeutic. So far, five essays in different writing styles assigned on very diverse topics, all based on recent events. in my life. Not all of them were related, or so I thought, until I discovered a common theme, the undercurrent, my meaning. I had written about changes in my life, a shift in my own thinking, and how I had recently learned to cope with the different stressors in my life. I was writing to myself. It was a revelation. The revelation was not just about the connection in my essays, but about the single, specific event that triggered these shifts in perception, these ripples in the pond of my life. This would be my last try for this course, and now I knew what it was about. It wasn't a safe or appropriate topic, and if I could have chosen another I would have, but I had no choice. The story was already alive and breathing in my mind, demanding to be...... middle of paper ...... and making me realize how happy I have become and how grateful I am for this new part of my life. I am proud of who I am. Additionally, I also realized that I didn't need to write out my list of long-term effects. Someone already did it. Many people have done it. A question I had asked others was "How does your masochism improve/help/affect other parts of your life?" » No one had to respond, but they did. Each of them responded because it was a subject close to their hearts. We are masochists. We all feel it. It’s an essential part of us that has always been there. We know what we need and we know how to get it. We want it in the very essence of our being. It's indescribable. We abandon ourselves to it. We will do everything to make it happen. Well, anything within the pre-negotiated “hard limits,” of course. Why or how doesn't matter. Who cares?