All I remember about my tenth birthday is how thrilled I was to get the Barbie doll I expected from my beautiful grown-up sister Maggie. She had just left for college and everything we shared was automatically the most precious thing I owned. This Barbie doll with golden hair and garlanded clothes has become my obsession. For days, I would come home after school and lock myself in my room until my mother forced me to come over for dinner with the family. Father always tried to occupy me with questions about my school day. “Maxine, I heard you were learning about brain anatomy in science…” her words flowed steadily in their droning tone. They made the effort to talk to me, but it didn't matter. The Barbie doll was always on my mind: her full lips, perfectly defined curves and slim thighs made me think about how imperfect I was and how much I admired her figure. “Maxine, I’m talking to you. Where has your head been lately, darling? Is there anything you would like to talk about? He practically gave me a worried tone. My response was as distant as my mind as I imagined myself weightless in space, floating among the stars. “I'm just exhausted from everything I learned today. Can I be excused? » “Yes, you can. » Mother intervened with pure fatherly concern. “Honey, you barely touched your food. » We all looked at my plate and saw the same thing: a full serving of mash. potatoes mixed with peas and a few stray pieces of meat that I had been stealing for a while. "I'm just really wiped out… not much of an appetite tonight." "But, Maxi, this is your favorite, honey... meatloaf and mashed potatoes with the skin mixed in. Do you have a fever? She reached out to feel my forehead... in the middle of a paper... that I would find. Finally I knelt down in front of the toilet. That's when my plan went wrong. Maggie wasn't supposed to come home from college until next week. .I didn't know what I was going to do at the time, but I wasn't going to worry about it until the problem of her being there came. But she came home early. that I had started in the kitchen and decided to stay hidden. Then she made her presence known before I could continue my rituals. It was surreal to wake up this morning, on my second birthday. committed to a psychiatric ward – in the eating disorders wing Who would have thought that the gift of flowing plastic hair and perfect proportions could lead a girl into oblivion? I just wanted to be her. Now I have to find out who I am and appreciate this person, otherwise I will never leave this place. I just want to be… me.